This is where it all began..
I’ve always kind of believed in God from when I was a little girl(I think 5), I remember the first time I prayed for something. I was in my grandmas house because I had lived with her at the time. I was crying in my bed and I didn’t know why my mom had left me and my siblings, I felt sad and I wanted her back, so I asked God to bring her back.. Sure enough a few days later she came back for us. That’s when I knew faith was real in him. Growing up I rarely went to church because I was raised by a single mom who worked alot and didn’t have time or the desire to take us. I never read a word from the Bible except maybe a few pages of Genesis. I prayed here and there but never really thanked him for anything other than the cliché social media posts. I would always just ask if I felt I needed something huge.. So I just tucked him in my back pocket and he would let me know here and there through the next course of my life that he was with me even though I didn’t fully appreciate him or even really believe in him. When I was 18 years old, after I had my daughter I went through a custody battle, and didn’t win. I wasn’t on drugs or abusive or neglectful, I loved my baby more than anything but somehow I lost her. After that my identity never stayed the same, I had all these “moods” and “looks” to fit whoever I wanted to be for that season of my life wherever I was because I was so confused that I just didn’t know how to belong. I moved to Humboldt and did some serious soul searching (or so i thought) and that’s when I became heavily influenced in pagan/witchcraft stuff like healing crystals, tarot cards, manifesting energies, cleansing your aura, opening your “third eye” etc. I was so into all the lies the occult fed me that I even thought I was bisexual because “I loved everyone”. When i started this stuff I would get signs which in that realm of deceit they call “synchrinocities”, I would be walking down the road and would be led my entire path to and from work a gray feather every 5 steps or so.. I thought this was my angels saying they’re looking Out for me. According to “my studies” it was. I also had birds stop and stare at me often and even one who literally stopped mid-flight and made eye contact with me then immediately turned a 180 and flew into my bedroom window right for me. I thought they could “Understand” the energy I was recieving in a good way(but they understood alright.. In a demonic way now I realize) and so at that time it gave me confirmation that I needed to trust the universe more and really “understand who I am” And so I did. I remember paying like 30 bucks to read my past life report and felt so sure of my life more than I had ever been after that. I got into Buddhism, taoism, meditation, yoga, wicca/paganism, crystal healing, manifesting under full moons.. As innocent as I thought it seemed. I was addicted to astrology. I had all the apps, I read every article in every magazine every time I was in a check-out line, only to realize none of it ever came true but only for a moment was it some sort of “spiritual high”. As ironic as it is, I wanted to be in control of what I couldn’t control yet be a “free spirit” at the same time. After my first full moon ritual is when I got diagnosed with crippling anxiety and chronic depression. I thought I was going to have a heart attack every hour and I could not even so much as sit in a theater without being able to breathe and would become so sweaty and drowned out in fear then when I got home I would curl into a ball on the floor holding my head crying and wondering why I cannot see any light in this life of mine even my once desired hopes for my future were bland, gray and just so sad. I tried therapy and medication and the whole “big pharma” works. I blamed it on the guy i was dating.. We were treating eachother terrible anyway and I was just so fed up with all the mental, emotional and physical abuse I endured from this toxic relationship that I was literally going crazy. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep and honestly it had tore me to pieces. I thought i was meant to be a “healer” because something in me hurt for him more than I was caring for my own well-being and so knowing he was damaged; I loved harder when I should’ve left. Ofcourse, it made sense to me at the time. I ended up being soo soo soo sad and depressed from what I had let my life become, from one extreme to the next it always seemed. I didn’t have anything to live for, my “spirit guides” sucked, i didn’t know my daughter, I didn’t have a huge family or any support or guidance from anyone most of my life growing up and I was just over it all. I used to have big dreams and I’ve succumbed to nothing as I watched the world pass me by. I thought about taking my own life almost every day but never had the balls to do it. Thank the Lord! I honestly thought leaving this world was the only hope because nothing and I mean NOTHING seemed okay inside or out. I left my ex bf and moved in with my sister, I contacted a psychic one night because someone told me to give it a try. So I did and the lady told me that I had little demons pulling me down, and that I was very foggy and she knew something was wrong and that I needed a blessing, or church or to be cleansed.. And that she seen a big move coming up for me. This was also the point when I then got diagnosed with colitis, I was in and out of the ER, my anxiety was through the roof and I got sick alot and I lost my job. I was obsessing compulsively over what was wrong with me and that i was deteriorating and so every chance I had I was on my phone trying to find answers only to be plauged by more worrying by the next thing I found I might have.. it was a never ending cycle. Like I said, one extreme to the next.. and I just couldn’t take it. These suicidal thoughts kept coming, only louder.. One day, right before I was going to drive up a mountain and really try to drive off of it, I was in my room crying hysterically because what else could I do? I truly needed help, love, and comfort that I just could not get from a person. My soul was so broken.. I didn’t know who else to talk to but God. So I was in my room crying and I said with all my might out loud “God.. if you’re real, if you are here.. please give me an opportunity to draw near to you, a sign to lead me to you.. and I promise I will follow. Give me a chance to connect with you and show me that You are real! I need you!!” The next day I decided to call my close friend because I hadn’t talked to her in awhile and I needed to talk to someone.. I didn’t call her because she was a believer in Christ in fact it didn’t cross my mind at all, I just called for comfort.. But she ended up casually inviting me to a Jesus Culture concert (she usually knew that wasn’t my fortay prior to our many years of friendship..) so right then I knew that God had used her to ask me to come, and he answered my prayer! So that was my sign to get close to see what He was all about. I didn’t have any money or anything to get down a couple hours to the next city but her mom just so happened to be going and let me ride down with her and even on the way there our head gasket blew, I had a hunch the enemy knew what was about to happen and was probably preventing me from going. So I prayed during the breakdown and low and behold it didn’t stop us! We contacted her husband who let us use his truck and proceeded on our way. The night of the concert was amazing.. The Holy Spirit let me feel Him as much as my binded soul could; my eyes could not focus during all of this worship and when i tried to close them they flickered so fast under my eyelids that it was not normal and quite paranormal if you ask me. I could tell something was preventing me from praising God. I even got heavy anxiety in the church. I didn’t know what was wrong I thought I was supposed to feel immense glory right? So after that i went on a drive with my friend and we were in the car talking about God and just on fire with it, I was ready to give my life to him.. Nothing can explain how close He felt, it wad truly a remarkable feeling. All of a sudden the dome-light of her car went off which was normal obviously after a certain amount of time. But in my head I was like “oh no I’m scared of the dark”, and then it went back on right after I thought that.. And she was like “whoa that never happens” and then immediately I felt fear overwhelm my body, I had experienced the worst panic attack in my life. I immediately went pale and started sweating and my heart was racing and beating so hard, during this my friend was like “whoa Lorena are you okay?, I lost you girl, stay with me what’s going on we were just talking about God..” And I then heard a growl in my ear, a very scary demonic growl. And i tried so hard to stay grounded and not let it take over so I kept saying to myself trying to believe “Gods got me, it’s okay” and then we rebuked the demon and I started to feel a little better gradually but the presence of something over me didn’t go away and my fear still lingered. We went home for the night and I opened my Bible and read a few verses and prayed with her some more. I was still scared because I didn’t have alot of faith yet. But I knew I was going to be okay. I went back to my home town a couple of days later and i kept being pulled twords believing in “the universe” and continuing on God’s path at the same time that I went as far as denying God again and deleting this “reasons for jesus group” I was in and the Christian radio station app my friend had told me to add. Religion didn’t seem appealing but something in the back of my spirit didn’t let go of God. Over the course of the next three weeks I had relocated to southern California(the psychic was right i guess). Around the time when I first got here I would see flashes of light frequently, I would smell a fowl smell everywhere I went, and lights would flicker through every room I walked into. I didn’t know what all that meant until now but at the time i knew it was very odd. I didn’t read my Bible but I researched if I could just do both Christianity and universalism (pantheism). I figured if I would seriously dedicate to the new-age thing one more time this would be the time, so I went and got some healing crystals, some “blessed under the moon” protectant spray and even saged myself. I started researching “enlightenment” schools near me and decided and declared to be a healer because I didn’t want anyone to go through such depths of despair like i had. There were so many new-age retreats and schools around me, I scheduled an appointment and had never been so sure this is what ” I am called to do” – was to open a new-age healing center for the mentally ill. I seriously was about to enroll myself into school to get a doctorate degree. I was still holding onto a relationship with God in the back of my head. At this point the enemy brought the ex back in my life (knowing it would corrupt my walk severely) and so we tried this long-distance thing. I started to become depressed again and my anxiety never let up. I became very irritable and angry and just “off” I even went to see family I hadn’t seen in years and didn’t feel exceeding joy like I should have. I have literally tried it all at this point for it to only mask my troubles for a second and that’s when I realized I needed to give this guy Steven Bancarz’ testimoney video a listen (and I highly recommend this to anyone). I followed him on social media for I think 4 or 5 years – he was a new-ager just like me except with thousands of followers and when he got saved and renounced the occult just a year earlier I really didn’t think anything of it except “good for him” and kept him as a friend on social media anyway. When I finished his testimony video I was blown away, I then watched a couple more of his videos about the new-age occult and it’s demonic agendas and it was like a thousands bricks came crashing down. I was looking for guidance and joy and peace in all the wrong places! I immediately realized who I needed.. I needed Jesus! Now they say once you become woke to the truth of God that the enemy will use all his tactics against you, he lurks around like a lion seeking whom he may devour. I threw out anything I had pertaining to the “new age” like my crystals, my mandalas, my “lucky elephants”, my tarot cards (I burned those), my sage and my “protection” spray. When I tried to tell my ex all that was happening, he didn’t understand at all and I immediately had a revelation from God that I can’t be unequally yoked with an unbeliever and that I cannot serve two masters! My heart was decieving and desperately wicked and I knew it so I had to let him go. It wasn’t easy and it really hurt but the voice of God was too strong. I was being quickened by the Holy Spirit and satan knew this and tried to attack me in my sleep later this night. I was starting to dream and I could see that I was in my house where I was sleeping and then he got inside my head and was just spewing lies about Jesus and me and saying slanderous wicked things. I was actually scared and in my dream I tried to rebuke them in Jesus name but it didn’t work all the way, they left my head but then these demons were shadowing the bottom of my door about to open in when I started to pray the Lords prayer instead. As all of this was happening a soft still voice in the back of it all said Psalm 34-4.. Psalm 34-4.. (mind you, I wasn’t aware of the word throughly to know what psalm that was off hand). So when I finished praying I woke up immediately and looked it up in my Bible that I slept with next to me. I’ll forever remember His Words to me “I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears”. That was my confirmation and there was no way I was going back! I had then done my research on deliverance from everything demonic, sinful and rebellious I had done against Jesus and realized by doing all of that new-age stuff I basically asked those spirits into my life (without knowing it), and it gave them legal ground to torment my soul the way they were for the past 4 years. I met a couple of ministers who helped me break all legal ties, renounce false religion, and repent from my wicked ways. (This was extremely supernatural and when I started to verbally renounce the occult, birds were flying everywhere – singing, and the dogs were barking directly above me the whole time as I’m sure they could see the demons fleeing). I ended up feeling the comfort of the Holy Spirit literally come alive in me like a wild fire! I got tingly and couldn’t stop smiling I felt so peaceful and loved! That day really showed me how renewed I was becoming. I carried my Bible everywhere I went, shopping, getting gas, eating out, my nose never left HIS word and I was awed by every detail coming alive from those pages! That night the demons came back but only this time in reality, not just in my dream; they touched me forcefully enough to wake me up, I was sleeping on my side and felt the grazing of cold fingers across my neck and it was as if they flicked their hand across the back of my head out of anger that they can’t torment me anymore. If I didn’t have faith in God (like the old me) I would have been terrified and woke up frantically not being able to go back to sleep. But that isn’t the case any longer. I know God has my back and so I just said the Lords prayer and went peacefully back to sleep. I haven’t had those experiences since. I trust God and I wasn’t afraid. That makes all the difference. My spirit was being cleansed the next day and I smelt horrible (even after just showering lol) but that’s what happenened when the Holy Spirit literally detoxed me from all the crap my body had due to spiritual and physical impurity. I’m so thankful Jesus saved me! Since then I have stopped having anxiety and panic attacks and I haven’t taken any medication(from taking them everyday twice a day). I also don’t have depression any longer either 😊 & I’m free by the grace of God, finally! My mind is renewed! I decided I didn’t want to smoke anything anymore and quit all cigarettes and MJ. I took all my piercings out of my face, willingly. I don’t fancy having nice things, or even cussing nearly as much as I used to, I don’t watch TV or listen to secular music, I don’t want to be the most attractive, or be attracted to the most handsome guy around me. None of that matters and is appealing to me anymore! It’s truly infathomable how God opens your eyes! Most worldly things are behind me because I’ve realized we are spirits of God having a mere human experience but we have this HOPE as an anchor for our soul! I’m just trying to get to heaven where I can live life eternally happy and abundantly with no limits. I’ll never claim to he better than anyone and I will mess up sometimes, but I usually always catch myself and ask for forgiveness. It gets easier as your faith grows stronger, I promise.. Because God promised. 💪🙏 ❤️